"Dear Jared & Jess,
I'm finding your blog entries very interesting but I was wondering how you would feel about both answering this question. "What defines "taking a break" from your significant other?" What should the terms be, why are they set, should there be a set of rules or should it just be totally free? Like should the couple be allowed to hook up, see, or talk to anyone else in the pursuit of seeing what else is out there?
I thought this would be a good blog to see both your answers. Thank you for taking the time to read and perhaps consider a response."
Personally, I did a break once, and it ended terribly. I think a break is ultimately saying, I want to cheat on you, but I don't want it to be counted as cheating. In most cases. However, for some couples it might be good. Maybe they smother each other or need some time to re-evaluate the relationship and what they need from it.
I would specify whether seeing and hooking up with other people is acceptable first and foremost. I think this can be really touchy. If it is okay with both of you, then thats fine, if not- it needs to be stated. I had a friend who went on a break after two years for about a week or so, and he hooked up with someone else, she didn't. They got back together and she found out a few months later, and she was completely devastated. It ruined their relationship, because they weren't clear about it.
In the end you just need to be honest about your expectations with the break. If you want a break longer than two weeks, I'd say you really just want out totally. So be honest with yourself and significant other, and make a real guideline, rules of communication, other people, and a set date of when you will communicate about getting back together. If you don't say "let's talk next saturday about how we feel about the relationship" then you could think next saturday, and they think three months from now.
Use your time wisely! Really evaluate your relationship and if you're getting what you want out of it. But more importantly, I think people forget to evaluate whether or not they are giving what the other person wants. You can demand a million things, but are you willing to give a million?
I am real iffy on breaks.
ReplyDeleteI personally, am really against them. I think that if you go a break, you're just that much closer to breaking up. After all, its almost the same word. Also, I wouldn't go on a break to see other people; other people would see other wise, so it really is a touchy subject that needs to be very clearly communicated.
I see breaks as a way for people to get some time to themselves when they need some time away from that person. I was asked by an ex to go on a break because she said all we did was fight and that she needed time where I was not in her life, but wanted to set a time limit on it. I thought this was ridiculous. How could she predict before the break the time that she needed to herself? Ultimately we ended up breaking up for good a few days or weeks later.
I can see where it may be beneficial to go on a break. If you do, and take a week or two, you may notice that you truly miss that person, and are even more hurting with them out of your life. I just personally would rather try to work out the problems with the person, rather than without them.
Jared- I see your point. But I would argue that without a timelimit it leaves you both hanging and guessing terms! How can you not specify a time? Maybe in two weeks you aren't ready to get back together, but go from there then. If you don't set a time limit then its just infinite and can lead to problems.
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